Friday, December 30, 2005

Hoppy New Year!

Got 30 seconds? Watch It's a Wonderful Life re-enacted by bunnies.

Want more 30 second bunny cinema? Go here to see Pulp Fiction, Titanic, Highlander and others (the Pulp Fiction re-enactment rocks!)

Hey, technically I'm Mostly good

Ok, so I get a B- that's a pass right?

Friday, December 23, 2005

Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year...

...until the shit hits the fan.

Here are my predictions for the upcomming year; they are most likely wrong, as I don't think I've ever made an accurate prediction before, but that doesn't stop me from trying:

1. Conservatives win a minority government in Canada, maybe even a majority. Oh well, After 13 years it was bound to happen. It can't be that bad (I hope).

2. The shit will hit the fan in the middle East. The president of Iran is doing his dead level best to wratchet up the tension with anti-Israeli statements. Meanwhile, in Q1 of 2006, the Israeli's will come to that fatefull moment where they decide if they should let one of their more hostile neighbours (Iran) develop the capacity for building nuclear weapons; the safe prediction there is that they will not, and that will mean a brief conflict will errupt between Iran and Israel this year. The only thing that will prevent this one will be the UN taking swift action and, never mind... oh shit.

3. George W. Bush to be impeached successfully. The irony here is that this is the prediction that should reasonably occur, but I already know it most likely will not. The citizens of the United States of America really won't care enough that their government is spying on them, because they are using the war on terror to justify it. Only 4 years after 9/11, enough of them are still freaked out enough that they will overlook the further erosion of their civil rights. All I can say is that the Conservative victory in Canada isn't looking so bad in comparison.

4. Pandemic. Another safe prediction; it's really just a question as to whether it occurs this year or sometime later. Indonesia is doing a particularly awful job of monitoring the progress of H5N1 within their borders, which means it will develop there unchecked. That's why they are my pick for where the real spread of the human variant will start to gain ground.

Those are my big four, and after the last three, the first one isn't looking nearly as bad as it felt when I was writing it. If I think of any more I'll add them. I'd be curious to hear any predictions you might have.

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Jibba Jabba!

Every time a church bell rings, Mr. T pities a fool.

Mr. T doesn't pity anyone who likes the Black Eyed Peas. He just kills them.

Mr. T speaks only when necessary. His main form of communication is folding his arms and slowly shaking his head. And regardless of the situation, he is always understood.

Mr.T once punched Chuck Norris at the exact moment he roundhouse kicked Mr.T in the chest; the result was the 80's.

A break in the space-time continuum occurred on July 9th, 1986. Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked a guy into Mr. T while he was pitying some fool. Mr. T and Chuck Norris had words (better known as jibba jabba). Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked Mr. T at the exact moment Mr. T punched him in the chest. The result was an alternate universe where Mr. T roundhouse kicks people and Chuck Norris pities fools.

Mr. T pities fools because even fools deserves their daily dose of vitamin T.

23. That's the number of people Mr. T has pitied in the time it has taken you to read this sentence.

Mr. T invented fools. Realizing the magnitude of his folly, he then created Pity.

On the A-team, Face, Hannibal, and Murdoch were all masters of disguise. Mr. T didn't have to wear a disguise. The bad guys didn't recognize him out of fear.

Mr. T and Chuck Norris once encountered each other on a lonesome Canadian path. Before the inevitable battle could begin, the earth shit itself and created Greenland.

Mr. T. does not break wind. He destroys it.

There are only four horsemen of the apocalypse, because Mr. T is going to walk.

Mr. T is allergic to doorknobs. That's why he can only kick through doors.

Mr. T's pity for fools is used by mathematicians as a demonstration of the concept of infinity.

Mr. T personifies pity. Should there be no fools, there would be no Mr. T.

Mr. T's edition of the VH1 show 'Where Are They Now' was the shortest in the show's history. It was 10 seconds long, and consisted of a black screen with the words "Right Behind You" written on it.

Despite popular belief, Mr. T in fact ended the civil rights movement by getting on a bus...all Caucasian people moved to the back.

Mr. T coined the phrase, "I see dead people," after the waiting staff at Denny's forgot his birthday.

Mr. T once bit off more than he could chew. He ate it anyway.

Mr. T once shook hands with Chuck Norris, or so it appeared, in actuality, their combined power caused an earthquake, which gave their hands a look of shaking to any onlookers, who were probably too scared to accurately testify anyway.

Mr. T is not black. It's just that the sun is to afraid to shine on him.

Behind every great man, there is a great woman. Behind that woman is Mr. T.

Mr. T pities the fool who doesn't pity the fool, thus creating a never-ending loop of pity and pain.

Mr. T once pitied the sun. An ice age followed.

Despite popular belief, if there is a fool in the woods, and nobody is around to hear his jibba jabba, Mr. T is still able to pity him.

Mr. T puts the laughter in manslaughter.

The last time Mr. T went to McDonald's, Ronald McDonald greeted him. What occurred next proved to be the most violent beating of a clown ever recorded in human history.

Mr. T was fired from the Psychic Friends Network for always predicting pain.

It took five women 2 years to give birth to Mr. T.

Mr. T once appeared on the show, Fear Factor, not as a contestant, but as a stunt. There were no winners and 6 deaths on the show that day. Mr. T has not been invited back.

Tuesday, December 06, 2005


Well, it happens to many people, and Thursday of last week heralded my turn. That's when I came down with the sharp stinging abdominal pains that signal the onset of Accute Appendicitis.

Admitted to hospital on Friday, I was held over night for observation and so an ultrasound could be carried out on Saturday morning.

My evening in the ER Ward at JBM was interesting. One older gentleman became disoriented in the middle of the night and tired to leave. When the nurses tried to persuade him to go back to bed, he said that he wanted to call the police because he was being kidnapped.

Another patient, Mary, an elderly woman of Eastern European origin kept removing her i.v. and wandering around. She was always smiles as she went trucking off, and I became so accustomed to this drill that I would flag down nurses that may not have noticed the escape in progress.

Don't get me wrong, this was all pretty entertaining, and it helped break up some of the time between naps and reading (I started reading Sourcery by Terry Pratchett on Friday, and finished it on Sunday).

I didn't see any of the excitement that the ER's on TV seem to encounter; even though one orderly said that Friday night had been a constant flow of ambulances, I think most of those cases ended up somewhere else.

My operation took place Saturday afternoon/evening. It was the first time I got to experience being wheeled into an O.R. and placed on a padded table wearing only a gown. You know the "swimming pool" effect on the penis? They should have one called the "O.R." effect. The room is chilly, I'm half naked and nervous; it practically crawled back inside me. Oh well, it's not like I'm out to impress anyone.

The anesthesiologist began administering the sedative that would put me out. I'm not sure what the entire process was, but it began with something being added to my i.v. "You will feel a slight stinging sensation in your arm," said the nurse. Indeed, it did begin as a slight stinging sensation, which grew into a greater stinging sensation which started to envelop my arm.

It's goes from fuzzy to black after that. I remember trying to say "I'm feeling woozy," and then I have a vague recolection of suffocating briefly; I think that was when they inserted the breathing tube down my throat.

Waking up from the general anesthetic was not the joyous happy buzz I remembered from having my wisdom teeth out. Nope. It was more like I think zombies would feel like when they wake up from the dead. I realized that I was alive, and that was nice, but then I though I would soon die from a terminally dry mouth.

Then the nurse in the recovery room gave me a popsicle that was the best popsicle I have ever eaten in my entire life, and surely rivaled the best in all of the universe. 45 seconds later it was gone, and my mouth was a black hole from which no moisture could escape.

From the recovery room I was moved to my semi-private accomodations, and spent the next 18 hours or so enjoying a slight morphine buzz, napping, reading and listening to my roomate moan in pain.

On Sunday I was discharged, and tearfully bid goodbye to the morphine; as a volunteer wheeled to the front door, I waved goodbye to Mary and the nurse chasing her down the hall. I didn't think I could have more respect for nurses, until this experience.

Did I mention that I miss morphine?

I just can't do it...

I cannot ask people who I do not know to give me money; I just can't, although I am on the hook for one painting for Gord, and my goal is to complete it by Christmas (ha!).

If you are wondering why I can't ask strangers for money, the answer lies buried in the post I put up where I mentioned the wole idea of creating a blog/site for such a purpose: Shame. People who do that kind of thing do so shamelessly, whereas I can't.

I don't really need the money compared to many people, and would feel totally ridiculous if anyone gave me any.

I know I offered to some sort of quid pro quo for any offering I did receive, but Gord's request for the painting quickly set me straight as to how well that would work.

You know what I could do? This.

I'm offering one 2" tall statue of Buddha for my first trade. Any takers?

Thursday, December 01, 2005

Name the 75 Bands that appear in this...

For example... the guy with the sledgehammer is Smashing Pumpkins

Most are pretty obvious, but I haven't picked them all out yet.

Ho, ho, ho